So relationships..... Yeah that's about how it is with me. Just a long sigh. HA HA HA HA! No I'm just kidding. But seriously relationships are a big thing in our society. You gotta be with somebody right? Even if you drag the thing out for 5 years to a shouting match and never talk again it was worth it right. WRONG!!! God definitely has a much more superior plan in store for those who trust him. I found this out the hard way. I thought I could push God into a corner by saying, "hey I love this person, now you have to make it all work out!!!!" Two serious relationships and one crazy fling later I was at the end of my rope. A relationship that was spiraling out of control had finally led me to be standing on a bridge outside of Kennestone Hospital with my mother. As we talked about God's grand plan for my life, (even though neither of us hadn't the faintest idea what it was), it was placed upon my to give me a novel suggestion. She told me that should take 2 years out of my life and forget about girls............. What! I couldn't believe what I was hearing! No girlfriends! Restricting myself to just being friends! Letting opportunities slip past my fingers! Needless to say, I agreed. However, the pain of a break up was still fresh on my heart and only a few short weeks past before is started the shortest and most nerve racking relationship of my entire life. Around the beginning of June, I found myself free of women and broken before God. I remember crumbling to the floor in the my shower and just weeping. I saw my obsession with needing to feel "loved" and at the same time came to the realizarion of just how much love I was ignoring.
One year and 7 months later, I was in a whole new arena. I had been (and still am) blessed with the closest friend I have ever known. I was growing in areas of my life that had tuely never been worked on. I had walked through fire after fire, and god had held my hand like an infant the whole way. Now once again I was learning to walk on my own with God as my guide. Everything was leveling and I found that I had learned more about relationships from being single than I ever could have from being in one. I thought that it would be years before I even had another serious taker and had learned to not dwell on my interest of the moment. One young lady, however, remained stuck in my mind. Assuming that this was little more than a temptation, I began to pray that God would tell me if I should go on to ask this young lady out. Secretly while doing this I began to hope that God would simply say no and let me go off on my merry way. However to my shock and suprise, the more I prayed, the more I became overwhelmed with 2 words pounding in my head over and over again. "NOT YET." Fear overcame me as i realzed the test that I now had to face. What may be prove to be the one of the toughest trials in my life was to simply wait. I was to sit there and watch something that had the potential of becoming something really good and waiting. Wow! Now that's a test. Time past and eventually I felt led to share my feelings with her along with the ramifications of the committment I had made. From my perspective she took it suprisingly well but I'm a guy so I'm probably wrong. Either way we came to a mutual agreement that these next 3 months would be a good time to really get to know each other without making any kingd of committment. Over time I hope God will allow something beautiful to grow out of this but right now it mine to wait and not pursue
So what is the point of this whole long rant of mine. Simply put it is this: above all things that I have learned in these 2 years is that God wants to things: our obedience to him and faith that he will over come all of our adversities and afflictions. I realize full well that between now and June I may loose this amazing, Godly, young woman to some guy who may be leeps and bounds beyond me. However, in spite of that threat, I trust God Almighty, my Saviour, Redeemer, and Lord to supply all of my needs according to his riches in glory. I have trusted him thus far and a will continue to long after that time alone has passed. Rest assured, if June 1st roles around and the opportunity stands that I'll come calling; but with a new zeal to pursue what God wnats for me and not what I want for myself.
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